4. Break Life’s Loops: Level-Up

Ever feel like you keep playing the same level in life over and over?

As I was saying last week, life is like a game and I’m thinking here of the old school Mario world style games - where you go through the levels jumping on or over ‘bad things’ and gaining companions, new suits (which are also new skills) just like you do in life. This equates to getting over the crap that happens to you (although it can come back and chase you - life does that) or dealing with it (jumping on it in this analogy.)

You can do both too - which is how I like to operate - move on past the crappy stuff ‘la, la, la - not looking at it’ - unless it keeps coming back and annoying me when I’m trying to jump across a river!

Anyhow, there are all these tasks to perform, mazes to explore, treasures to find - sometimes we have a companion with us, sometimes not.

There is an end goal but moment to moment we are playing the game (jumping from platform to platform, getting to the end of level) not worried about saving the princess; who, in the modern story protocol, would have kicked the monster’s ass herself and escaped by now (rather than waiting for Mario to save her) but anyway…

Eventually there is an ‘end of level monster’ which you need to defeat. You rarely do it first time, progress was saved, so you only have to re-do a bit of the level to get back there again…

You try different moves, different combinations - sometimes it needs the companion, you can’t do it on your own. It was designed that way, you have to work it out.

Sometimes you wear a specific suit (skillset) that shoots ice balls or fire or you have the right amount of energy and right combination of spells (I am mixing games now, sorry gamer geeks.) Once you victoriously beat the monster, you win a prize, all your ‘lifes’ are topped back up (read you get your energy back in real life) and you go back to the map - you get perspective how far along the journey you are, you can meet companions, see what other places you can go and other games you can play or play this one again if you want to.

Usually no-one wants to play the same game again - we want new challenges.

However, imagine you get tired quickly, you don’t recognise this end of level monster is different to the ones you were merrily jumping over or on earlier. You keep fighting this monster over and over until you get bored, frustrated and either stop playing or get upset at how unfair it all is.

Life works like this.

You may not see your pattern (and end of level monster) at first but let me show you how it works, then I’ll show you what it takes to defeat your end of level monster and then, after a victory celebration, go explore the map of other places to go and games to play next.

Ready player one?

The most common end of level monster I see in my clients is Self-Doubt.

The loop looks like this:

You want something. A lot.

Let’s say status - a fancy job.

You get one or to be ‘acting as’ (urg, whole other post) but then you start to feel that your new team doesn’t rate your skills or like you or that senior people don’t think you are capable. You either step down, leave, go off sick from stress or in some way do not step into this new version of you.

So you turn your attention to a new thing, that you think will bring you that confidence or validation you are looking for.

Plot spoiler.

You did not identify and defeat the end of level monster. So you just started the level over.

Maybe a new qualification?

So, you work your ass off and you get it.

But its empty, your professor suggests maybe a PhD would be the next step… and you think - yes maybe when I get that I’ll feel good enough but guess what?

Plot spoiler.

You did not identify and defeat the end of level monster. So you just started the level over.

You get the idea.

The End of Level Monster can only be identified and defeated if you work out its patterns and strategically kill it off. It is not obvious, so don’t use this as another stick to beat yourself with.

This self doubt monster is created early on by many things - many of my clients were bullied as kids and have this nagging fear that they cannot protect themselves and are constantly scanning for threats and feeling anxious much of the time.

Sadly, in this case, we find what we repeatedly look for - so we find more threats to assure us this is real.

We keep repeating the level until…

We do the work, unpick the cause, heal it, forgive ourselves and step into our current reality of who we are now.

One of my clients had exactly this challenge and once she beat the end of level monster of self doubt, she realised the imagined critics in her team and even other managers were just mirrors of the doubt she felt. Since working together she adopted the role model mindset instead and has enabled them to step up too.

She has also spoken in front of hostile groups, large gatherings of her peers all at short notice and not only taken it in her stride but even enjoyed it. She just won an award too.

Now that is an end of level monster slayed and a new level started.

You are smart.

 You were right to take that risk and jump - sometimes you won’t land it - that’s okay.

Look at kids playing games - they may fail a few times to land the jump, kill the end of level monster, solve the problem or whatever but they don’t stop.

 They go again.

If they fail to the point of frustration they may get up and do something else, or ask a friend or vent but they keep going back for as long as the interest in moving on is greater than the discomfort of missing ….

Let that one land for you.

What are you giving up on?

Do you need help with handling discomfort and having your own back through it?

Or help imagining where you are going next that is worth putting up with all the crap?

Remember your emotional sat nav from the last blog - it brought you here, you are right. Trust yourself - let’s have another go at that end of level monster and see if we can crack it together. 

If you want help with the confidence and courage to keep going on with this transformation through discomfort or inspiring and rewiring your mind for the next level of the game then just call - let’s play.